I'm guessing this has happened to you.

Someone - could be a spouse, co-worker, friend, anyone - tells you of his/her new plan or goal. He's going to lose 30 pounds. She's going to learn to play the piano. The chronically late employee says she'll always be on time. The person who dominates meetings resolves to change.

When you hear these statements, you may be happy for them; but, I would be in nearly every situation you at least momentarily wonder if it's a real goal or just a wish.

Sometimes you will even come out and ask them . . .

Are you serious?

This is a question we ask others as a test of their resolve, determination and commitment.

We know deep down that their level of seriousness will have a significant impact on their success. After all, it is rare that a casual attempt at anything will lead to notable (even minimal) or sustained success.

Success in most things in life requires some amount of seriousness.

And while my opening example was thinking about the seriousness of others, now I want you to look in the mirror, and ask yourself:

Are YOU serious?

Here are six questions to help you gauge your answer to this very important question:

• What are your goals? Without goals how can you possibly be very serious? Goals provide the direction for your efforts and proof of your progress. Goals are critical to reach anywhere near to your potential. If your answer to this question is fuzzy or if you don't have any goals at all, start here. Set a goal, or goals, to define the results you desire.

• Why do you want to achieve those goals? Oft overlooked but actually more important than the goal itself is the "why." When a goal has rich meaning in your life; when achieving will bring you benefits that really matter to you (and not necessarily to others), you will be more committed to achievement and more accountable for your actions.

• Where is your focus? You can focus inside of what is in your control and influence, or you can look outside these two important circles. The more you can remain focused on what is in your control, on what you can do something about, the more serious you will be about your future. When you maintain an internal focus, you give yourself the best chance of success.

• What questions do you ask yourself? Do you think about what you could do, what worked and what you could do better? The more "I" (or in a team situation "we") questions you ask, the more serious you are - and the better results you will achieve. "I" questions are the manifestations of an internal focus on your actions and successes.

• What explanations do you use to explain your world? How often do your explanations focus on others? Do you explain your results based on the economy? Do you look to others for your results? Do you blame others for your failures or shortcomings? As long as your explanations lead to denial and/or blame, you cannot become your best self. Serious people explain their circumstances in terms of their past and future actions and decisions.

• Are you having any fun? Don't lose sight of this important question. Yes, you can have high standards for yourself; and yes, when you choose to be more serious you will grow more, achieve more and create more. Yet for all the serious work and focus that is so important, you must also have fun in your life. If you are having no fun, perhaps your goals could be adjusted. Fun and enjoyment are required to refresh your spirit and recharge your batteries. Seriously, for your sake, please don't ignore the answer to this final question.

The answers to these six questions will help you personally unravel your level of seriousness, commitment and accountability to your own success and to creating the results you profess to want.

Your answers are completely your choice, and can't be determined by anyone else (see question #5). Make the correct choices and your results will show it, in both the long and short term.

Potential Pointer: The six questions of seriousness can act as your barometer to measure how serious you are today, and, like a barometer, they will predict the weather in your immediate future.

This is a first in the more than 250 issues of this newsletter: I'm reviewing something for the third time.

For various reasons, I recommended ChangeThis.com in 2005 and 2006. For long-time readers, I hope you will bear with this third recommendation three years later. Perhaps you're like me, and haven't visited in awhile. For our newer readers, believe me when I tell you, you are going to love this!

This site describes itself as an idea clearinghouse and is based on "manifestos" on many different topics. Because it's been around for a long time, there are many great reads here - including manifestos that have since become popular books.

Beyond the great archival content, there are two other reasons to recommend it.

First, you have a say in what comes later! Take a look at the proposed topics and vote for those you would like to see written.

Second, each month a new crop of manifestos arrive. Not every manifesto will be of interest to you. But simply because you're reading this recommendation, I know the odds are that at least one new one each month (and dozens in the archive) will be valuable and interesting to you.

Check out ChangeThis.com today! You'll be glad you did.

p.s. While at the site you may run into my manifesto, TrueTeamBuilding: More Than a Recreational Retreat. It was published several years ago. You can find it to read or download now.

"Back to school" has many meanings - some positive and some maybe not-so-positive.

In my mind, those three words together conjure a whole swirl of thoughts emotions and memories from shopping for school clothes, to new teachers and friends, to fresh notebooks and more than a little anticipation of what is to come.

And while you are likely reading this as an adult and you aren't preparing to put yourself back in a classroom this fall, I'm suggesting you should, though perhaps not in the traditional sense.

Rather than buying a backpack and finding your seat in the classroom, here are five ways you can take the lessons of childhood back-to-school and apply them to your personal and professional life in a relevant way today.

Pick a Subject. Upper grade students have some say in what they will learn. My son, a high school senior, has seven classes this fall, most of which he had some hand in choosing. As individuals we can always choose what we want to learn. He chose seven subjects last spring and is just now starting. You can choose any subject right now and start this afternoon. My advice, don't pick seven - you already likely have a full schedule; however, you can pick one or two things you want to work on learning right now. It starts with choosing.

Have a Plan. Teachers provide a syllabus every semester to outline what the class will learn, how the content will be learned and the timeline for the whole process. Once you have chosen something new to learn, you too should build a plan. The difference, of course, is that typically you will be responsible for your plan, rather than having it given to you.

Learn with Others. In school you have two groups of people with whom you work - your teachers and your classmates. The same is true for adult learners. Find peers you can learn with or share your learning with, and don't forget teachers! You might not take an actual class while you're learning - and - you can still find teachers; experts, mentors and others who can provide guidance, feedback and support for your learning.

Learn Continually. You know from experience that you won't be successful in school if you only study or do your homework once in awhile, or if you wait until the night before the exam and then cram. Same is true for life. Once you have picked your subject or skill, you will have far better success when you learn continually and consistently. Learning is after all a process; to be successful you must treat it that way.

Put Your Learning to the Test. In school we all took exams (sorry if this reminder brings bad memories for you!). In life, we take exams too, they just aren't the same. The skills and subjects you choose to learn might not require, or even allow for, one single right answer, but to really be learned, they must be put to the test. Apply what you are learning; see how it works. You pass the test when your skills and knowledge have improved in real life application.

All of the ideas above are valid and will help you in your personal and professional development, and it is equally important to remember that School Doesn't Equal Learning.

What?

That's right. School isn't the only way to learn. School can offer a good context to think about learning, and hopefully give some skills and vision for learning; however, school-like settings are just one way to learn.

I could write an article at least as instructive about personal and professional development that describes why school isn't the right model for us to follow.

In short, my advice is to not let your experiences with school impact your on-going life experiences and decisions relating to learning.

As you can see, "back to school" probably isn't a perfect analogy. Not everyone had a great experience in school; not all of the methods and structures of school are perfect for all of us (or any of us); and not every part of the school experience translates to adult learning.

And yet, there is an important message here for all of us.

We send kids back to school as a conscious decision to proactively extend their knowledge and skills. The need for, and value of, that decision does not expire at a certain age.

Potential Pointer: While you may not need to enroll in classes, now is the perfect time to go "back to school." We can apply the best lessons from our school experiences to help us become more effective everyday for the rest of our lives.

As someone who has written a book defining a topic (leadership) and claiming to define it in a certain number of items (13), I resonate with the title of this book.

And, like I'm sure many who have read my list of competencies, I'm not sure I would agree that Ram has identified "the" 8 skills; however, I still think this is a good book.

First of all, Ram is easy to read, his past work is well known (co-author of the big hit Execution
and author of What Every CEO Wants you to Know
), and he is clearly a smart guy.

Easy to read books are a good place to start, but when they are backed by a smart guy saying useful and important things, they are even better.

Ram's list of eight skills is more about being in the leader role, which he clearly describes in the book, though the title might be a bit misleading and too global.

Some of the chapters might apply less to you given your current needs, but each are laid out well and will add to your thinking in that area. My favorite chapter (perhaps because of my interest and needs) was "Setting Laser-Sharp Dominant Priorities."

The book also includes a very interesting "Letter to a Future Leader" at the end that is written to a recent graduate - someone he clearly knows. Honestly, I read this first, and I loved it - it summarized the book and highlights just how practical Ram is.

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Often on airplanes people ask me, in casual conversation, what I do for a living. After explaining it in a few sentences, they often knowingly smile, and say:

"Oh, you're a motivational speaker."

Well, honestly, I believe that is NOT true; nor is it even possible. So I cringe internally, and then generally say a little bit more about our work and then move on.

After all, they will be my seat mate for at least the next hour or more.

The reality that I typically don't share, but will share with you, is that it is really impossible to "motivate" anyone to do anything (for very long).

Why?

Because motivation is internal in nature - and it is always involves choices. Since we can't choose for other people, all we can do is educate, inform, persuade and inspire them to make a choice that is in their best interest.

We can't motivate, but we can inspire.

Once we recognize what we actually can do, we can begin to think about how to do it better, which is the goal of the rest of this article.

Seven Ways You Can Inspire Others

. . . through your passion. We all make choices based on emotions, regardless of much we think it's all facts and statistics. Even the most data driven person uses emotions, feelings and deeply held values to make decisions. If you want to inspire action in others, you must be willing to show your passion, beliefs and emotions.

. . . with great questions. Some of the most inspirational questions are those that require no audible answer, but simply encourage the receiver to reflect and answer internally. Inspirational people use questions in this way. They also use great questions to hear the answers and learn about what is impacting the choices others will make.

. . . through dialogue. You can't inspire deeply or successfully solely with a great speech or monologue. Since inspiration is about helping others make choices they must be engaged in a conversation - and a dialogue is the most powerful and engaging type of conversation.

. . . with meaningful goals. Have you ever made a choice to do something new? It's often easy to make that choice once, but it can get harder to continue to make those choices without a clear reason why. Goals themselves are important, but they are far more useful when they are meaningful. The why behind the goal will inspire more deeply and with greater impact.

. . . through guidance, support and encouragement. This is also known as coaching and/or mentoring. Perhaps you don't think of coaching as all three of these things, but the best coaches do. And they realize it's their role is to help their protégés make new choices - in other words, to inspire them.

. . . through your actions. This is obvious, but can't be forgotten. You inspire people best through your actions. Your words and everything else on this list are important, but none will be as effective if your actions don't align with your spoken messages.

. . . through consistency. Inspiration, by definition, is temporary. We all make new choices every day. So if you want people to make inspired choices you must continue to inspire them, remind them, encourage them, support them and more. Inspiration isn't a one-time, once-a-week or occasional process. It is required day in and day out - and often more frequently than that.

Much more could be written about each of these approaches. I'm sure a long list of additional approaches could be included as well. Regardless, remember, none them will be perfected today or in one try.

Just as you must constantly think of how to inspire others, you must constantly improve your skills in these areas. But only if you want to become a more inspirational leader, teacher, coworker, spouse and parent.

That choice is up to you.

Potential Pointer: Motivation isn't something you can do for others - it's an internal choice they make. Your opportunity as a leader is to inspire people to make choices that are in both their, and the organization's, best interest.

Helping.

We do it - and hopefully receive it - all the time, in all parts of our life. In some roles we even need to be good at it "professionally" (as a leader, consultant, coach, teacher or trainer to name just a few).

It's something we all do, yet I've never read a book about helping, specifically.

So when a friend made me aware of this book I was interested. When I found out it was written by Edgar Schein, I ordered it immediately. Schein is a legend in the organizational consulting world, and so professionally he knows something about helping. He is also a deep, thoughtful person who writes exceptionally well.

Knowing all of that I eagerly put the book on my reading stack.

And I'm glad I did; I love this book.

I started by reading the preface, to set the context for the book. Then, I read the last chapter, which covers the principles of the book and provides specific tips for giving, receiving and offering help.

Then I went back to the beginning and read the complete text. Would it be corny to say a book on helping is very helpful? (Sorry, I couldn't resist.)

This is a book I will refer to often as a leader, parent, trainer and consultant. It offers great insights - some I have already applied, and others I will use in the future.

Overall, this is a great book on an important but vastly under-discussed topic. Put this on your reading - and applying - list today.

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Why?

We hear it all the time (especially from kids) and ask it often (more on that later).

"Why?" is a question used in all sorts of situations, and its prevalence should hint to its usefulness.

And yet, for all of its value, "Why?" can cause a lot of problems, miscommunications, misunderstandings and more because the "Why?" question is so like a double-edged sword.

Therefore, we must examine and learn the uses and misuses of this powerful word/question in order to use it most effectively.

Why So Powerful?

"Why?" is a powerful question because it . . .

. . . stimulates learning. "Why?" is the quintessential open-ended question. The answer to "Why?" provides new information for the asker.

. . . allows discovery. Asking "Why?" helps us find the root cause of a problem by diving into the details. Similarly, this question can lead to discoveries in situations other than problem solving as well.

. . . creates understanding - for both parties. Have you ever explained something to someone else and after you explained it you understood it better? The "Why?" question creates deeper individual understanding and allows for mutual understanding as well.

. . . quenches curiosity. Kids ask "Why?" because they intuitively know that the answers will help them learn, discover and understand. In other words, "Why?" is the perfect question to ask when we are curious, and the perfect question to stimulate our curiosity as well.

Why So Dangerous?

The "Why?" question is powerful . . . and . . . it's rife with challenge.

Do this quick mental exercise. Think about all the different ways you have heard (or you could ask) "Why?"

With just a bit of imagination you probably will be able to hear your parents or other people with positional power asking the question in a way that wasn't about curiosity or learning, but in a more "questioning" or accusatory manner.

While the problems certainly don't always come from a place of positional power, because we have all experienced this, it highlights the challenge this question faces.

"Why?" is dangerous because it can . . .

. . . insinuate power. The power piece can come when words are added to the question, like "Why did you to that?" The problem - and danger - is that as a receiver we can add those additional words in our mind even if they aren't said; creating meaning that may or may not have been intended by the asker. Either way, once the receiver assumes it, that power is implied. Often - because of this - the receiver may be reticent to answer, may answer in a limited way or in the way we think we "should."

. . . suggest judgment. Again, this judgment could be coming from someone in power, but not necessarily. The reality is most of us want to be liked and accepted. When we hear judgment in the "Why?" question, we can be stymied by caution or answer in the way in which we assume others want.

. . . impede progress. Any question that leads us to be cautious, incomplete or inauthentic in our answers is a dangerous question because almost by definition it will keep us from moving forward, hide problems or actually move us in the wrong direction. Improper use of the "Why?" question can do all of these things - and more.

Herein lies the danger, for none of these outcomes allows the question to reach its full power and may actually have a damaging effect in a conversation or meeting.

How to Best Use Why

The key to using the "Why?" question first comes in understanding the powers and dangers, then in balancing them correctly. Once we know the risks, we can . . .

. . . preface our questions to minimize the power and judgment concerns of the receiver.

. . . watch the tone of our voice, realizing that tone could - intentionally or not - imply judgment.

. . . monitor our intent, because if we really are passing judgment perhaps we want to modify our approach, or at least not expect the fullness of answers we might get if our intention was different.

. . . ask the "Why?" question differently, to avoid some of the risks (ask, "Can you tell me more?", or "How do you mean?" as just two examples).

Using any or all of these approaches can help you get the very most from this most powerful question.

Potential Pointer: Asking "Why?" can stimulate learning, facilitate discovery, create understanding and quench curiosity; it also can impede progress, insinuate power and suggest judgment. Given these facts, use the "Why?" question with care.

I don't often recommend books that are out of print. However, thanks to the internet, you can still find used copies of this great book, which is why I chose to share it with you now.

I bought my copy in 1993 it had just come out in paperback and I was still an employee at Chevron. I bought it because I knew the power of questions, and as a trainer and leader I wanted to be able to ask better questions.

This book delivers 555 questions (since they are numbered by chapter, I'll trust the count) that are laid out in 19 different general situations (e.g. selling your ideas, meetings, interviewing, managing your workload, etc.) with specific scenarios in each situation.

With each question the authors give you a rationale and some thoughts to go with it - so it's more than a categorized list of questions.

I don't love every question - there are some I would likely never ask as suggested, but there are many excellent ones. Having a copy (especially used and very inexpensive) might help you immensely in any single situation, making it a wise investment.

The biggest value I got from the book initially (though I have referenced it on a number of occasions) was the idea of collecting questions. My question logs are not as categorized as these, but it was from this book that I generated the idea to begin to create my own lists of useful questions - lists that have served me in many ways in the last 15 years.

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