You've heard it your whole life, and your mother probably taught you too. Handwritten notes are important and say something about who you are and your sincerity in regards to the message in the note.
You heard it again with thank you notes after interviewing for jobs. You've heard it as a key "strategy" in networking and building relationships.
All of it is true, and yet, I observe fewer and fewer people doing it.
I've not received thank you notes from gifts. I've not taken the time to send hand written notes in a variety of situations, choosing instead to send an email or even a tweet.
The value of a handwritten note is universal - for any part of our life, in any role that we play. And while I know it, and have taught and written about it, I don't do it as well or as systematically as I should.
And I'm betting you are much like me.
If any of this rings true for you, watch this video of teacher Dan Stroup (the video link is embedded in the story) who will set an inspirational example for you, and prove to you that if it is important, you can do it.
The story will inspire you, but I hope it does more. I hope it prompts you to begin sending more handwritten notes, regardless of the reason.
Because when you do, you will make a difference in the lives of others.
Today is the fourth post in my series of 16 lessons learned during my 16 years in business. You can read the introductory article here (and scroll down to read the others).
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My Story
I think I have always been pretty good at building relationships, and at some level I realized how important that was in building my business. In instance, I've always said the the consulting business is a relationship business and I've always believed it.
But the history of my business and my observation of the world around me comfirms this in ways far beyond my comprehension when I started making that statement.
When I look at all of the best tangible things that have happened to my business, including the people now on my team, our biggest client projects, my book contract and much more, I can trace all of those to relationships. Yes, I had to be a good employers, had to be able to deliver for the Client and write a good book, but the opportunities all came from relationships.
Let's take just one example, Jenny Pratt. Jenny has been the Director of Remarkable Development at The Kevin Eikenberry Group for the past three years. I can trace the genesis of her being on my team to relationship decisions I made in college - in fact all the way back to the fall of 1980 when as a Freshman at Purdue University I decided to run for the School of Agriculture Student Council. I got on the Council and two years later was Ag Council President. As President I served on the Ag Alumni Association Board of Directors and I build a relationship with Mauri Williamson, the Executive Director during that time.
Because of that relationship, when Mauri retired and Donya Lester replaced him, she came to see me on a planned trip to California in the early 1990's. That relationship led to a call to become the first ever out of state Director of the Association. After moving back to Indiana, and continuing to serve on the Board, I built relationships within the College of Agriculture, eventually having the Dean at the time, Vic Lechtenberg, as a Client, and getting to know his Communications Director Christy Denault. When Christy moved to Indianapolis, she introduced me to Jenny Pratt, her replacement. I could tell more of the story, but you get the idea.
This is just one of many similar stories I could tell. And, if you stop to think about it, you could too.
At any point in this chain of events, if I hadn't built relationships, rather than just showing up - passive networking - or "collecting business cards" - playing the numbers game, I wouldn't likely have the pleasure and honor of working with Jenny today.
Our Lessons
There is no such thing as a self made man or woman. In order for you to reach your goals, you need others. But, as I've said, it isn't about compiling a huge network, for the numbers themselves, but it is about building relationships.
Building relationships means giving of yourself first. It means knowing enough about the other person and their goals that you are able to help them. It means planting seeds and nurturing them.
Building and maintaining relationships can be hard work and will definitely take time. While I am far from perfect at it - I can think of many relationships I haven't maintained as well as I wish I had -I've learned that with the effort comes tremendous intrinsic and extrinic rewards.
Few efforts you can make will be as rewarding and fun as the effort you exert make better and deeper relationships with others.
In this world of cell phones, skype, email, instant messages, Twitter, Facebook, Linked In (must I continue?) It seems hard to believe that we build communities around the world better than we do right . . . next . . . door.
Consider this:
According to social scientists, from 1974 to 1998, the frequency with which Americans spent a social evening with neighbors fell by about one-third. Robert Putnam, the author of “Bowling Alone,” a groundbreaking study of the disintegration of the American social fabric, suggests that the decline actually began 20 years earlier, so that neighborhood ties today are less than half as strong as they were in the 1950s.
This comes from a New York Times piece this morning, written by Peter Lovenheim who is writing a book about neighborhoods. (Read the full essay here.)
So Let Me Ask You?
When was the last time you focused on building the community with those who live near you rather than logging into Facebook? When was the last time you worked on your relationships at in the office rather than doing more email?
Networking, social media, and being in touch and available is great, but what are we trading for those wonderful new things?
Get some balance today - for yourself, your co-workers, those you lead, and for your neighbors.
Staying connected is important for us in any number of roles in our lives: as leaders, as friends, as businesspeople, as marketers, as parents, as family members, as people.
And while there are many ways for us to stay and get connected (including millions that don't include electronics, screens, or the internet), tools for building and strengthening relationships using the electronic/internet world abound and are growing daily.
One of the reasons I haven't been posting as frequently here lately is because I have been learning about and using a couple of these tools - and I added another new one today. As I sit here this morning, I am struck by the options and working/playing hard to find the right balance for me (in all of the roles above!) between the various media, and tools.
As I find answers, I'll let you know. In the meantime, here are some ways you can stay more closely connected to me - using some of the tools I am using the most right now. I hope you choose to connect to me with as many of these tools as you use.
Whether you connect with me, consider how you will connect with others today - whether online, offline, or both. Connections are the start of relationships, and relationships make every part of our lives more rich, valuable, meaningful and fun.
This is the eighth post in a continuing series designed to help you create a great 2008 - using questions to reflect on last year, and project into the future. All of the questions and additional information can be found in this tool, available for you to download now.
The eighth question is:
What relationship(s) do I most want to develop?
While there are many relationships I want to deepen and develop, including some from my post to the last question, this question begs focus. And while I won't pick one person, I'll pick just three:
Lori - my wonderful wife Parker - my quickly maturing 15 year old son Kelsey - my beautiful 9 year old daughter
While there are many relationships that are important to me, none compare to these three. Whatever goals I have set, whatever plans I have made - and you have some sense of those if you have been following these posts - none of those matter if I don't have the most important people to me, ever closer to me.
More than the achievement of any other goals, accomplishing this will bring me success happiness and joy.
Several of the past projection questions have been inwardly focused. This one and some of those to come will be less so. I encourage you to consider this question, as well as the logical follow-up of "How are you going to deepen those relationship(s)?"
As with all of these questions, I welcome your comments and answers.
This is the seventh post in a continuing series designed to help you create a great 2008 - using questions to reflect on last year, and project into the future. All of the questions and additional information can be found in this tool, available for you to download now.
The seventh question is:
Who do I want to meet?
Oooh, I love this question!
I have a long list of people that I want to meet. Some are people that I already "know" from online and phone conversations, but that I look forward to meeting. People like:
I also am looking forward to meeting large groups of John Deere dealers (which I will do in sessions over the next couple of weeks), many new Clients and participants, all of those who are our partners in promoting Remarkable Leadership, and many other members of the Top Sales Experts group.
I also have a long list of "famous" people I would like to meet for a variety of reasons. I wasn't going to share this list, but I decided that by sharing these names I may be improving my chances of meeting them. (Who knows, maybe they, a family member, or colleague will read this - or maybe you know these people!)
Here is part of that list:
- All of the former Presidents - Oprah (ok, so I want be more than meet her, I want to be a guest on her show!) - Vince Gill (and while we are at it, my wife would like to meet his wife, Amy Grant) - Garth Brooks - Seth Godin - Larry King - Warren Bennis - Patrick Lencioni - Tony Dungy - Jimmy Buffett - Warren Buffett - Joe Vitale - Mark Joyner - Michael Masterson
I want to meet these people for a variety of reasons, but the one reason that is in common is to learn from them. I admire all of these people in one or more ways and I believe that in meeting them I could learn more than I could from afar.
I encourage you to ask yourself this question and think big - not only those people who you "know" you will meet (like, in my case future participants and Clients), but also build a list of those that might be a bit more of a stretch.
One of the things that answering this question (on paper) does for me is that it helps me realize that making this happen in many cases is easier than I might first think. Even in reviewing this list to write this post I am energized by the connections and network that I already have that can help make some of these meetings.
Of course, I am open to your introductions to any of these people as well!
So, again, let me ask you - who do you want to meet (this year)?
As with all of these questions, I welcome your comments and answers.
Unleashing Your Remarkable Potential is Kevin Eikenberry’s guide to helping you have amazing success while developing your professional and personal potential.
For more information, visit Unleashing Your Remarakble Potential to read past issues and either subscribe to the ezine or the Blog.
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Welcome! This was the home of my blog from March 2004 – November 2009. For my more recent writing to help you become more effective and successful, join me at our new blog – Leadership & Learning with Kevin Eikenberry
Unleashing Your Remarkable Potential is Kevin Eikenberry’s guide to helping you have amazing success while developing your professional and personal potential.
Welcome! This was the home of my blog from March 2004 – November 2009. For my more recent writing to help you become more effective and successful, join me at our new blog – 
