Issue 2.14 of Unleashing Your Remarkable Potential with Kevin Eikenberry

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Unleashing Your Remarkable Potential
Issue 2.14 - April 4th, 2005 - ISSN: 1551-6571

In Kevin's Own Words

Get Over Yourself

Let me tell you a secret.

Things don’t always go the way we want them to.

Let me tell you another secret.

We don’t always hear what we want to hear.

Duh..

Listen to to Kevin talk about picking your battles.

These two statements are hardly secrets; we all know they are true. If they aren’t secrets, then why do we act surprised when it happens? And worse, why does the surprise often turn to pouting?

Adult Pouting

Most adults don’t walk around with a pout on their face, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t pouting. Pouting is when we are having an internal pity party because we haven’t gotten what we wanted, things haven’t gone the way we’d hoped they might, we heard something we didn’t want to hear or disagree with, or we have to work on something when we would rather be doing something else.

So we pout.

Some Examples

We are called to a meeting, when we wanted to be working on the important project on our desk. We think things like, “I don’t need to be at this meeting. Tammy could have handled it. Why am I here? Can’t they see that my time could be better utilized elsewhere? This is ridiculous.”

Or we aren’t asked to go to the meeting and we see ourselves as really being able to contribute (or really wanting to be there because it is about an important change that we want to be in-the-know about). We think, “Why can’t I be there? My experience would make a difference. Besides, this could have been my chance to shine for the new VP over in Marketing. Being there would be a much better use of my time than working on these numbers. This is ridiculous.”

Or we sit in the airport because of a delay. We sit and we sit. We miss our connection because of the delay. We miss the events we had planned for the evening. And we are still in Buffalo (or wherever). We think about what we are missing. We think about the stupid airlines or the stupid weather or the stupid travel agent that booked this itinerary.

Poor us.

In all of these cases (and a hundred others I could share) we keep our thoughts inside ourselves. We are so busy with our own internal conversation about us, that we miss any chance to benefit from the situation. In order to capitalize on any experience we have to be present for it. When we are pouting, we clearly aren’t present in the situation or experience. We are too busy focusing on ourselves.

It is time to get over ourselves. Lose the pout and get yourself out(side) of your self.

We can become much better leaders and professionals we can get past our internal language and live in the present moment. The present offers us:

Opportunities to learn
Opportunities to teach
Opportunities to reinforce positive behaviors in others
Opportunities to see our world in new ways
Opportunities to enjoy our day more fully.

Staying in pouting mode closes the door to all of these opportunities because we don’t see them –we are too busy thinking about ourselves.

Getting the Pout Out

To capture the opportunities in the present we have to “Get the Pout Out,” here are some ways to do that:

Acknowledge your feelings and move on. Give yourself permission to feel bad for yourself. You have one minute, starting now. Then let it go, get on with life and the situation you are in.
Hear the opportunity knocking. Remind yourself of the opportunities you will find in the situation, even if this isn’t where you would prefer to be. Have you ever gone somewhere you didn’t want to go and were surprised how much fun you had? That can happen again, right now, but only if start looking for it.
Listen more completely. One of the best ways to become more present is to listen more carefully to those around you. Pay closer attention in the meeting. Listen for ideas and perspectives that interest you.
Observe more closely. You never know what you might miss. You never know what you will learn.

As a leader you have a responsibility to be present. People look to you for direction, ideas, and a good example. Staying present, even in tough or challenging situations is a great example to set.

More importantly though, as an individual, striving to reach your own potential, moving past the pouting moments give us a chance to fully live our lives. This habit allows us to find enjoyment, growth, and better relationships in situations that might not have seemed that favorable at the start.

Yours in Learning,

Kevin Recommends

The 2005 ASTD Team and Organization Development Sourcebook
Edited by Mel Silberman

Let me start by saying that the editor of this 10th Annual Sourcebook, Mel Silberman, is a friend and colleague of mine. Furthermore, I contributed one of the pieces inside this book.

Regardless of these facts, if you are trainer, facilitator, consultant, or leader of any kind, this is a book you want on your shelf.

The book contains for sections – training activities, instruments, handouts and guides on important topics. Each “chapter” is written by a seasoned professional who is sharing their expertise. The chapters cover topic areas including: team development, creative problem solving, organizational development, and much more. The best part is that all of the materials carry rights for you to use them – and even modify them using the files on the included CD.

I received my copy in the mail yesterday and after 20 minutes of review I have 4 new ideas that I will use within the next month. This isn’t a book to pick up and read cover to cover, but one for your reference shelf, to be referred to often.

You can learn more and order a copy at Amazon.com.

Kevin's Blog

The Present

Yesterday I had a conversation about trying to be more present in the things that I do - that I am trying to be more focused on the current task in the current moment. This is something I know is important, and while in some situations I think I am very good at it, in others I've been trying to get better.

Then, last night, as I was exercising, my 12 year old son Parker, came in and said, "You know Dad, the past and the future is only in our mind. Only this moment is real." I agreed with him and smiled, realizing that this was like a profound riddle, and didn't think any more about it, until this morning when I was writing Powerquotes Plus.

The quotation I selected was:

"Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to offer."

- Barbara De Angelis, author

As I wrote the associated Questions to Ponder and Action Steps, I couldn't help thinking how truly profound Parker's comment was.

Which shouldn't be surprising - after all I just got back from his Honors Breakfast.

Congrats to Parker.

And to all of you, I encourage you to be present today.

p.s. This blog was featured in The Best of Kevin’s Blog Special Report. Click HERE to read this complimentary Adobe PDF Special Report.

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The Kevin Eikenberry Group
7035 Bluffridge Way
Indianapolis, IN 46278