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Unleashing Your Remarkable Potential
Issue 4.1 - January 2, 2007 - ISSN: 1551-6571

In Kevin's Own Words

Why We Avoid Resistance

Why We Avoid Resistance

Princeton University’s WordNet 2.1 defines resistance as the action of opposing something that you disapprove or disagree with. If you make a short list of things you like, relish or love, I doubt the word resistance will show up on your list.

Resistance isn’t something that most of us cherish or are drawn to – at least personally. True, some may enjoy observing resistance as a third party to it – which could be one explanation for boxing, professional wrestling and the success of the Jerry Springer Show - but few of us look for or enjoy resistance.

Which is why we so often choose to avoid it.

Here are seven major reasons why people tend to avoid resistance.

We are taught to avoid it. As kids, we are taught to agree – or at least get along – with our teachers, our parents, other authority figures and other kids (or at least not make our disagreement or disapproval public), and while the purposes for these behaviors might not be completely about resistance (they may also be about respect among other things), most people seem to connect the lesson to avoiding resistance. In fact, there is a common phrase that reinforces this teaching – “taking the path of least resistance.”

We don’t want to be called names. Extensions of the “that’s what I was taught” reasoning are the thoughts that “I don’t want to rock the boat, or cause a scene.” If you avoid resistance the boat may stay stable, but if you do confront issues, propose potential changes or just not agree with someone you might be called names – like “rebel” or “troublemaker.”

We think resistance is a bad thing. If you think all mushrooms you see in the woods are poisonous, you’ll avoid them. If you think all Clint Eastwood movies are Westerns and you don’t like Westerns, you’ll avoid anything starring Clint. Likewise, if your belief is that resistance is inherently negative, you’ll tend to avoid it.

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We take it personally. If someone resists your idea, you might take that resistance as a personal attack. Have you ever been told your idea was stupid or that your approach wouldn’t work? Even if the comment wasn’t a personal attack, it often leaves us feeling that way. Since most people don’t like to be attacked (even verbally), logically, you can avoid that feeling by avoiding the resistance.

We don’t know how to deal with it. If you have long avoided resistance, you might not know how to deal with it in a positive and constructive way. Resistance is like many other things, if you don’t have knowledge and the proper tools, you might shy away from it.

We think it will lead to conflict. For many people resistance and conflict are synonymous. And if you don’t like conflict and see it as the necessary outcome of voicing your resistance; you’ll likely avoid the resistance in the first place.

We think avoiding it is the easiest approach. Humans are basically lazy. Since most people consider “the path of least resistance” to be the equivalent of the “easiest path”, that is often the one selected. It only makes sense, after all, to avoid something we think is bad and that would be difficult to do something about anyway, right?

So is all of this avoiding such a bad thing?

Generally, to be blunt, yes.

Why?

Resistance promotes growth. In the physical world without an opposing force (resistance) we couldn’t strengthen our muscles.

In the interpersonal world, resistance is a sign of energy; energy that can be used in positive ways, but only if it is explored.

If no one disagrees with a new idea (offers some resistance) will a better idea be found?

Without opposition (or resistance) how many new products would be created?

Without some admission of problems (a sign of resistance) will teams or relationships ever be revitalized?

Ask yourself which of the excuses outlined above have you used in the past, and how would you benefit from overcoming your urge to avoid some resistance today?

Your Potential Principle – Resistance is energy to be explored rather than avoided.

Kevin's Recommends

Whoonu - A Game for Everyone

Whoonu is a funny name for a short game that is correctly advertised for players 8 and up. (My daughter Kelsey is 8 and loves it!).

The game consists of players trying to guess what another player likes the most from wide-ranging items on each player’s cards (examples include parades, pepper, jewelry, sneakers, root beer). Each player picks one or two (depending on the number of players) favorite activities of that turn’s target person (called the “Whoozit”). The Whoozit then ranks the items from the thing he/she likes least to the thing he/she likes the most. Players collect points based on how much the Whoozit liked their items when compared to the others.

The game continues until each player has been the Whoozit. The winning player is the one with the most points at the end of all the rounds. (The game can be played with 3-6 people.)

Whoonu is short on strategy and challenge, but long on laughs and fun. Not only is it great for families and parties, but I believe it will be a great team game for meetings and training sessions, which is why I plan to buy several sets in the near future.

Regardless of your purpose for playing, I think you’ll love this innovative and easy game.

About The Kevin Eikenberry Group

We help organizations, teams and individuals reach their potential through a variety of products and services including: - Consulting / Coaching - Speaking - Training - Products to support the development of your potential. To learn more click on the links above or call 888.LEARNER or 317.387.1424.

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