Email this page to a Colleague
	Print this Page

Unleashing Your Remarkable Potential
Issue 5.5 - February 4, 2007 - ISSN: 1551-6571

In Kevin's Own Words

At the Heart of Great Listening

I could start this article extolling the importance of listening in our everyday lives, in our ability to lead others, in our ability to improve relationships and communications in general. I could lament that while throughout our school experiences we were taught the communication skills of writing and speaking, but seldom was any time spent learning the skills of listening. 

I could do those things, but I won’t. 

You’ve heard and said all of those things before. There is no value in me going over that litany again. Besides, if we had all bought into those arguments, we’d be walking around as better listeners. Sadly, for most of us, most of the time, this isn’t true. 

That chorus of comments assumes or implies that the heart of great listening is skills. 

I don’t agree. 

Don’t get me wrong, I believe the skills of great listening are important, I just don’t think that is our problem. We know how to listen; we’ve exhibited the skills at some points I our lives. We just don’t do it nearly often enough. 

So, if it isn’t skill that keeps us from consistent great listening, what is it? I believe there are three factors:  Intention, Attention, and Effort. Let me explain. 

Intention 

When you begin communicating with someone your intention, conscious or subconscious, will directly impact how you listen. Consider this short list of possible intentions: 

• You want to persuade the other person.
• You want your point of view heard.
• You want to get through this conversation as quickly as possible.
• You want to build the relationship.
• You want the person to like you (more).
• You want to “set them straight”.
• You want to give them some feedback or coaching.

I could expand this list, but this is enough to make my point. Your intention at the beginning of the conversation will have an impact on how completely and carefully you listen during the conversation.

Want to be a better listener instantly? Set your intention on the other person instead of yourself. Intend to understand their message. Or, to be more blunt:

Stop being so selfish.

Great listening is an act of caring, of service and, yes, of love.

Make the conversation about the other person; desire to understand their perspective, ideas and thoughts. With this intention your mental mandate is no longer muddy and you will listen more effectively.

Attention

In every communication encounter we make a choice – subconsciously or consciously. The choice is whether or not we are going to pay attention. This is separate from our intention; however, they are closely linked. The reason I separate them is that even if our intention isn’t crystal clear, we can make a choice in the moment to pay attention.

However, when our intention is clearly focused on the other person, it is much easier to make this choice. In fact, the best way to make the attention choice a habit is to get our intention in our communications more clearly set.

There are two parts to our attention in a listening situation and they are both important – attention to the person (which intention helps with significantly) and attention to the topic. 

In short, get interested in both!

When you do you allow your listening skills to improve.

Effort 

Listening is hard. We have to put our interests aside for the moment. We have to fight through our thoughts, unclear word choices, a million distractions.

It takes effort.

And it isn’t a passive activity when done well – it requires energy and engagement and thought. It isn’t a fluke that great listening is often called active listening. Great listening is an active, participatory process.

To do it well, we must work at it.

It is really just this simple. If you want to improve your listening effectiveness, don’t ignore the active listening skills of paraphrasing, making eye contact and more; just don’t start there.

Start with your intention and purpose for listening, continue by resolving to place your full attention on the other person, and based on those two factors, make the effort.

We all know the fruits of listening more effectively are many. Intention, Attention and Effort will give you a roadmap for success.

Your Comments: Please visit Kevin's Blog to leave your comments on this article.

Potential Pointer: Our ability to be a great listener isn’t typically about skills. We already know how to do it. Rather, it is about intention, attention, and effort. These three factors are at the heart of great listening.

Kevin

Kevin's Recommends

The Laws of Simplicity:  Design, Technology, Business, Life
by John Maeda

Usually when I buy a book online I can tell you who recommended it or how I came to click the buy button. I can’t give you that back story on this book, but I can say how glad I am that I made the choice to buy. 

This book looks at the complex topic of simplicity and does so in an elegant way. The author is the head of the MIT Simplicity Consortium and so from that perspective he has been thinking about simplicity for some time. And he has thought about it from a variety of perspectives. That focus and broad perspective makes this book exceedingly valuable. 

It isn’t a book about simplifying your life, organizing your projects more effectively or creating simpler products, though lessons abound in this slim volume for those endeavors and many more. 

The book focuses on 10 laws that apply across the landscape of life. Perhaps the highest praise I can give the book is that throughout this week when working with clients I have quoted ideas and concepts from it often, and in every case it made the other person stop, think and then smile. More than one person wanted a copy of the list of the ten laws as well. 

I believe this will be one of the most thought provoking and useful books I will read this year. As opposed to a checklist of specific things to do in a given situation, it focuses on laws and gives just enough guidance to help you thoughtfully apply the lessons. 

If you can’t tell, I love this book and I recommend it to you highly. 

Learn more and make your purchase at Amazon.com.

Your Comments: Please visit Kevin's Blog to leave your comments on this article.

Home | About Kevin | Archive | My Subscription | Contact Us

If you find this information valuable, please pass it on to a friend. You can forward them the email or go to http://www.kevineikenberry.com/uypw/tell.asp to use our Tell A Friend tool.

If you received a forwarded copy of this newsletter and would like to subscribe for yourself, go to: http://www.kevineikenberry.com/uypw/subscribe.asp.

For information on reprinting any of this information included in this issue of Unleashing Your Remarkable Potential, go to: http://kevineikenberry.com/uypw/reprints.asp

© 2007 The Kevin Eikenberry Group – All Rights Reserved

The Kevin Eikenberry Group
http://www.kevineikenberry.com
7035 Bluffridge Way
Indianapolis, IN 46278