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To Friend or Not To Friend – How to Manage Facebook with Your Team
In our Bud to Boss Workshop, designed to help leaders successfully navigate the transition to leadership, we talk about the importance of relationships between leaders and their team members. Within the least year or so I have been frequently asked two related questions:
"When we were peers I was friends with people on Facebook. Now that I am the leader, should I unfriend them?"
"What should I do when people I lead ask me to friend them on Facebook?"
My response, which will be summarized below, is typically to ask the group what they think, and normally the crowd is split; some say it is fine (or even important) to be Facebook friends (or follow on Twitter, or circle on Google +, etc.) with those they lead, while other are strongly opposed, saying that there is no need or room for that level of closeness and potential level of disclosure in a working relationship.
After they discuss/debate it for a bit, I share my thoughts. Here they are:
To maintain or nurture relationships. As a leader while you don't need (and shouldn't aspire) to be real-life friends with everyone you lead, but you should build solid working relationships. Facebook is one way to reach out, one way to be connected, and for certain employees an important way to do so.
To show personal interest. Being someone's friend on Facebook allows you opportunity, perhaps outside of the hustle and bustle of the work day to show personal interest, which helps build working relationships and trust.
To unfriend may send the wrong message. If you were already someone's Facebook friend, you get promoted and then choose to unfriend, it might send a confusing or difficult message to your former peers. The change in role is change enough, perhaps unfriending will cause more challenges to the relationship.
You don't want to know that much. Chances are you heard the phrase TMI –or Too Much Information. If you are Facebook friends with your team members you might learn stuff you don't want to know about them – or vice versa. Besides if they talk about their long party weekend and then call in sick on Monday . . . then you have a choice to consider, don't you?
You might create too much closeness. If some people have Facebook and others don't (or don't use it) you might create perceived favoritism, because you know more or connect more with some team members than others.
You have no way to separate work life from personal life. Related to the first one, this concern is one of work-life balance. If you want to leave work at work, or if you want to use Facebook for "real" friends, why would you want to friend the members of your team?
Yes, these points expose opposite sides of the same coin, and no, I haven't given you an answer to this question, "to friend or not to friend."
And I'm not going to.
What I am going to do is give you four things to consider, as you make your decision. Hopefully these thoughts will help you make the best decision for you.
Consider how you use Facebook. If you aren't on it much at all, or only use it to communicate with family, your situation might be different than if you already have 1000 friends and are connected to people at work.
Think about boundaries. What work-life boundaries do you have at work, and consider matching them on Facebook. This will be clearer to you and those around you, and make any needed explanations for your decisions easier and more easily accepted.
Communicate your intention clearly. Just telling people that you are friending or not, isn't enough. Whatever your decision, help people understand your reasoning. People may not like your decision or agree with it, but they will understand your intention and appreciate your candor if you take the time to make your intentions and reasons clear.
Accept the decision. Yep, it is your life, your leadership style and your decision. Hopefully this article helps you think it through and make a decision you can feel most comfortable with and one that matches the rest of your leadership style.
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Creating Personal Presence: Look, Talk, Think, and Act Like a Leader
by Dianna Booher
You've met people like them. They have a certain something that makes people notice them: a quiet confidence, a charisma, a presence. Dianna Booher shows us all how to create this type of presence in her new book.
The book unfolds in four major sections, as promised by the subtitle:
How you look — including great chapters on passion and body language.
How you talk — including a great section called the highlighter principle to help you highlight the key points of any message.
How you think — including the importance of taking a point of view.
How you act —including a great chapter on engaging enthusiastically.
Hopefully this gives you a taste of the content of the book. But as with most books, content alone doesn't make it truly shine. Dianna is an author of many books and with good reason — she writes in a clear and understandable way. While she references research, the book isn't loaded with research, rather it is littered with stories and examples from her long career (and from other members of her consulting and training company).
This combination makes this book readable, practical, and relevant for anyone who wants to create greater personal presence. If you are early in your career, this book is a must read. Even if you are long and gray, you will glean ideas and insights from this book too. Buy one for yourself, and for someone you mentor. You'll both be glad you did.
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