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Unleashing Your Remarkable Potential
Issue 1.9 - September 22nd, 2004 - ISSN: 1551-6571

In Kevin's Own Words

Your Biggest Do it Yourself Project

When I meet people and tell them what I do, I often hear, “Oh, you are a motivational speaker,” with some amount of assuredness in their voice. While I realize there are many speakers that people lump into this category (some who are my friends and mentors), I strongly disagree with that label.

Do I speak? Yes.

Can I inspire, challenge thinking, provide ideas, input, encouragement (and in smaller settings), provide feedback? Yes I can.

Can I motivate? No I can’t.

DIY

There is a channel on my television call DIY – The Do It Yourself Network. On this channel you can learn how to make drapes, redo your landscape, take care of your yard, build a deck, make unique crafts, and much more. Many people must watch it, because it has been on my television for several years.

Actually this doesn’t surprise me. People want to learn how to do new things. They want to avoid the cost of the expensive plumber, carpenter or painter, and they like the pride that comes with seeing the results of their efforts.

If people do the things they learn about (rather than just watching) they are doing it because they are self motivated. No crafty, clever, or comical TV host has motivated them – they have motivated themselves.

It is the same with our personal, professional and business projects – we may work with others and need expert coaching, advise, counsel and encouragement, but in the end these are “Do it yourself” projects too.

Five Suggestions

Here are five things you can do to make your own improvement and growth and “do it to yourself” project.

1. Have a reason for doing. If your windows are bare, you know you need drapes. If your grill sits in the grass, you know you want a deck in your backyard. What is the reason you want to improve your skills or habits or achieve new results? Having a clear goal is the first step towards self motivation. If you watch the TV show because you are interested, but don’t need that skill, you will just watch. If you listen to a great speaker or read their book and don’t have a clear goal, you’ll get no more than an enjoyable experience.
2. Take action every day. You have your goal, your reason, so now take action. I can’t take that action for you any more than Bob Villa, your boss or a family member can. Make a plan and get started. You don’t have to carve out two hours in your already over crowded day, but do something. Take a step towards your self-improvement project every day. At least one thing, every day.
3. Put in the positive stuff. Many people who are learning to build that deck buy books, magazines, and software; go to the local hardware super center for classes and ask for advice, and much more. Are you putting anywhere near this amount of time, effort, and money into reaching your personal or professional improvement goals? Read or listen to the positive, uplifting material each day. Consider it inspirational fuel for your own motivation.
4. Lose the Losers. Do you have people around you who aren’t willing to invest in themselves? How much time are you spending with those who ridicule or put down your efforts? While you may not be able to remove these people from your life, you can reduce the impact their attitude has on you. Recognize how they negatively impact you and move on.
5. Turn off the TV. Yes, even football, I remind myself. Am I saying you should not watch any television? No, but TV is the major time stealer in our society and is a self reinforcing habit. Every show has commercials for other shows. So not only are watching others achieve their goals while we aren’t achieving ours, but we are being bombarded with messages about products we don’t need and being convinced to watch even more. You will find as you watch less TV it gets easier to watch less. Why? In part because you won’t know what is on!

The person who learned how to dry wall his own basement when asked why they chose to do it says something like, “I figured no one would care as much about the quality of the job as I would, so I decided to learn myself. Besides, I have so much more pride in the results.”

These are great reasons to “do it yourself.” Apply that same logic and reasoning to yourself. Don’t ask me to motivate you. That is your job. Just like the expert on TV, I can help show the way and help you see that it is possible. But in the end, it is your life, your results, your project.

Go out and Do it yourself.

Yours in Learning,

Kevin

You Ask...Kevin Answers

I love this question because it focuses us on the power of words. In a thesaurus you may find these words as synonyms, but they have different meanings – differences that matter. Conversation is the most valuable of the three, leading to the most meaning, understanding and respect between those involved.

For many people, the idea of a discussion is something akin to a debate, where two sides “discuss” a topic, hoping to convince their “opponent” to agree with them.
In fact, the origin of the word discussion literally means to “smash to pieces.” It shares a similar history with the word concussion. People have “discussions” with their bosses. They have “discussions” with their parents (or children). With those origins, it is clear to see why many people carry a somewhat negative perspective of this word.

Interaction feels cool and “professional” to me; again an exchange of words like the other two, but less focused on preserving or building the relationships as a part of the exchange.

Keep a focus on the spirit of sharing and inquiry—a position of wanting to understand each other’s perspectives, perceptions, and ideas. When we start from this mental stance, the conversations will be more stimulating and fun. This approach will lead to fruitful conversations – something much different than a potentially dangerous discussion or a cool interaction.

If you have question you want Kevin to answer in a future issue, email us.

Kevin Recommends

The Little Red Book of Selling by Jeffrey Gitomer

This is a brand new book and I love it.

I know, you may be saying that you aren’t a sales person. Maybe sales isn’t in your job title, but you will still benefit from this highly practical, irreverent and fun book.

Gitomer, a columnist on sales in 90 business journals across the country is a true sales expert and this book proves it. Each page is packed with specific ideas to help you be more professional, disciplined, and effective.

Besides being full of great ideas, the book is fun to read too.

If you aren’t a salesperson I recommend it. If you are, don’t wait – get your copy now.

p.s. Everyone is a salesperson.

You can order a copy at Amazon.com HERE.

Another Perspective

The Top Ten Strategies to Employ When You Feel Like Quitting
By Monty J. Sharp, CPBA

Ever feel like quitting? "Are you kidding?" you ask, "A better question would be, 'How many times TODAY have I felt like quitting?' " Sure. We've all felt like "throwing in the towel" at one time or another. If you haven't, I suggest that you check your pulse quickly. And here's a real shocker for you: the notion that "winners never quit" is a crock! Everyone - even "winners"- has not only felt like it, but has even quit at one time or another.

The "road of life" that we each travel isn't one endless stretch of flat, paved expressway, but rather, is filled with curves, crests, valleys, detours, potholes and bumps. It is its very unpredictability that makes it so interesting and alluring. We just have to see what's around the next curve. It's that same unpredictability that makes for some real gut-tightening questions and fears as well.
Having said that, I do feel that we, too often, give up on our dreams too easily and quickly - perhaps, just one small step short of success. So what do you do when the going gets tough and you feel like quitting? Here are ten strategies that you can employ when you hit those apparent "roadblocks" on your road of life:

1. Remember the reason(s) you started in the first place. What was the "spark" that caused you to begin the journey? Revisiting that may help rekindle the flame that helps you go on.

2. Ask yourself, "What would I rather be doing?" If nothing compelling comes to mind, then determine the next step you need to take to move you closer to your original destination. If something more compelling does come to mind, maybe you need to quit.

3. List 10 reasons why you CAN keep going. What strengths and resources do you possess that will help you achieve your desired outcome? Just the very act of doing this shifts your focus from the problem to the solution.

4. Give yourself permission to quit. Sounds crazy, but it works. When you set up an internal law that says, "I can't quit." Or "I shouldn't quit", it makes the desire to quit even stronger.

5. Give yourself a need to continue. Rather than focus on why you feel you need to quit, focus on why you need to continue. What's the payoff, the reward waiting for you if you persevere?

6. Stop focusing on the struggle and start focusing on the solution. Whatever you focus on expands. If your focus is on the struggle you are experiencing, that becomes the biggest (and maybe even the ONLY) thing on your "horizon" It blocks out many, if not all, of the creative opportunities and solutions that may be trying to present themselves to you.

7. Take a hard look at your methodology. Tired of getting poor or less than optimum results from your efforts? Then why keep doing things the same way an expecting something different to happen? That's the classic definition of insanity! Ask yourself, "What's the most radical or unorthodox action I could take right now?" Try it.

8. Make a contract with yourself. Write out what you intend to accomplish and how you intend to accomplish it and then give yourself, say, six months to achieve your goal. Sign and date it and keep it where you can see it. You might even impose some kind of "penalty" for breaking the contract - no chocolate for a month, maybe.

9. Get real. Were you enticed by the "illusion" that success is easy? Maybe you were enamored by the "fluff" that if you just want something badly enough, it will find its way to your doorstep. Success is WORK. Pure and simple. It is the result of a certain mindset as well as a set of deliberate actions. If you want to quit something, then quit fooling yourself by thinking it's going to be a "piece of cake".

10. Walk away. Sometimes looking at something too hard or long obscures the solutions. It's the "can't see the forest for the trees" phenomenon. By simply walking away or taking a break from the struggle to solve, you often free your mind to see new options and opportunities.

Monty J. Sharp is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst, self-proclaimed Relentless Architect of Human Possibilities” and co-founder of Vision to Venture, LLC, an executive coaching company dedicated to providing an interpersonal approach to high performance executives, managers, individuals and work teams: Visit him on the web at http://www.VisionToVenture.com or via e-mail at monty@VisionToVenture.com.

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